There is a big plastic bag hanging in the bathroom here in our Post-Partum room. It's got this sketch straight outta the 70s on it. The mother is holding her baby, while the little one leans in to her chest in a loving and playful way. The mother's long hair is entwined around this beautiful, thick-eyelashed cherub with roll upon roll of yummy baby chub on its arms.
Um, what? Where is that beautiful mother, in all her Pre-Raphaelite glory? I haven't seen her around here anywhere... Definitely not in my room.
In my room there is a wee peeping thing who squeaks ever so softly when he's hungry or has spit up or has air in his tummy. He can't hold his head up yet, let alone snuggle into me with some semblance of head control. And he's a cutie and all, but there's no baby fat to be found here yet.
I'm not sure what they're selling with this bag - but I'm not buying it.
Okay, I lied, I am totally buying it. Because I know this little warm scene is just around the corner. We're not quite there yet, but when I need motivation I just smell and kiss Kaden's little fuzzy head. We may not quite be this perfect picture yet. We've got some bumps in the road. But we are going to try and ride those bumps like a roller coaster, laughing, moving, enjoying the flight.
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We finally got to meet the little one growing inside me for the past 8 months. Kaden Erik Johanson was born healthy and wiggling via C-section last week. We were surprised to learn that we would be having him earlier than presumed. Anika and I went in for my 36 week checkup on Tuesday. Of course, my blood pressure was high - I mean, just try keeping a 2-year-old entertained while getting your cervix checked! But my BP had never been as high as it was... That coupled with the good amount of protein in my urine meant Pre-eclampsia. Again. However, last time it crept up slowly on us. This time, my blood pressure was fairly good until BAM! It just wasn't. I'd been having headaches all week prior, but nothing that didn't go away by the afternoon. I had a cold, Anika had a cold, Ryan had been on call for four days that week, pollen count super high. Of course I had a headaches! Apparently, I should have thought about that as a sign of pre-eclampsia. One of the midwives said I was very lucky to have had my appointment when I did. My wonderful mother-in-law quickly came and picked up Anika, and I went up to labor and delivery for more tests. My blood pressure continued to rise in the hospital, my enzyme levels came back abnormal, as well as more protein. So... I went into my appointment at 10 am and got a C-section at 5 pm.
It's crazy how life changes in mere hours. The night before the birth, we finally got Anika's big girl bed all set up for her with a twin sized mattress and my childhood white rod iron Elliot bed. She woke up early that morning, probably not used to her new big space. I crawled into bed with her around 6:30 am and we snuggled together under the blanket until we both fell back asleep. I woke up a few times as she wiggled and squawked to herself, as she sometimes does in the early morning as she is waking up, but not fully awake. I watched her as she readjusted herself in her new bed, putting both hands under her head in a snapshot of childhood angelic peacefulness. I hugged her close and we fell back asleep again. I will never forget that morning. It was our last morning together as just her and me, mother and daughter. I was looking forward to being able to snuggle with her in the mornings in the big bed together. We'll still be able to do that, but not without the complete freedom and independence as before.
I tried to prepare myself as much as possible these past few months and weeks for the new baby. But nope. Still not prepared. I don't think I ever would've been. That's fine. Somethings are better experienced as they come rather than anticipated and/or worried about.
Kaden is doing beautifully. His respiration rate is great, blood sugar great, feedings are getting, how you say, harder, better, faster, stronger! He was jaundiced, but we were expecting it. Anika was, which raises his chances. Plus, a number of other factors. And my milk has been taking it's sweet time coming in, as it did with Anika as well. Besides the obligatory sleep deprivation, things just get better and better!
And through it all, Kaden's been a rockstar! The only things that seem to bug him are: gas, diaper changes, and being hungry. I am sure I've jinxed it now, dang it. :) We love our little addition SO much. And are so happy to welcome him to our family.
It's a boy!
Lots of hugs
Warm and toasty in the bilirubin sleeping bag.
First bath - Kaden did not like it!
But once we wrapped him back up in some warm towels, he was happy again.
Anika can't get enough of her baby brother so far. She always wants to hug him, stroke his head, change his diaper, carry him around, if we'd let her! She's a great little helper!
Finally home, in the bassinet.
Big stretch!
I think he's going to look more like Ryan...
He's definitely got Ryan's sleeping genes so far - Hallelujah!
We've come full circle now - one boy, one girl. We've recreated ourselves so to speak, and feel so blessed and happy to have done so. Two healthy children, we couldn't ask for anything more! No more kids for us. We are closing our circle, and choose to dance within it now - improv, of course. And in between the tough moments, we celebrate being human, being home, and the life growing all around us.
