Anika - FOUR

Anika,

You are officially four now. Last week marked your birthday and you were oh so very excited about it. You’ve been asking “Is it my birthday today?” for the last few weeks, after I told you your birthday was coming up. We had your party at Avery Park. You picked a fairy theme, and all the girls were dressed in ribbon tutus, green glitter wings, with glitter ribbon wands. I made some red felt gnome hats for the boys too. Needless to say, you were a little confused when I woke you up on your birthday morning (after your party) and told you it was your birthday. You exclaimed “I’m FIVE now!!” Whoa there… slow down munchkin!

You also had your birthday ceremony at school, in which your classmates and teachers acknowledged and celebrated each of your four years of life. The lights were shut off, all the students made a circle around you, and in the center was a large candle to symbolize the sun. Carrying the globe, you walked inside the circle as everyone counted the months of the year four times. After each year, another smaller candle was lit and placed around the sun candle at four points.

Your story was read outloud:

“This is the sun. The earth goes around the sun. It takes one whole year for the earth to go all the way around the sun. Four years ago today, Anika was born.

During the first year, she learned to laugh, sit, eat and walk, all by herself! - And then she was one.

During the second year she painted, colored, danced, ran around everywhere - and then she was two.

During the third year she met her brother, Kaden, did her first somersault, moved into a new house - and then she was three.

During the fourth year, she started school, rode a bicycle, wrote her name, met new friends - and then she was four.

Today, Anika is four years old.”

“Happy Birthday” was sung and everyone came up to you in turn to give a hug and well wish, including me, at which point I started to cry a little.

It was so sweet and meaningful, which is exactly as it should be.

The past year has brought so many changes. I’ll try to capture as many as I can in this entry. You have grown up so much.

First, you are sharing so well now. At three, it seemed all I heard from you was “mine.” My toys, my food, my time, my space. Sharing, borrowing, and trading, ideas so nebulous in the past, are now more clear to you. Not that you always share, or are always happy about it, but you understand when its necessary and why its necessary. You play well with your friends and family, and have lost much of your bossy edge. I’d say you are now moving into manipulating more to get what you want, rather than demanding it. I’m not sure if this is good or bad, but it shows some kind of growth I’m sure.

The speech classes you’ve been taking all year have been helpful. Your articulation, and more importantly your willingness to do so, continues to improve. You can say /s/, /f/, and /v/ quite succinctly, but have to be reminded to use them. If left to your own devices, you’d replace them with /w/ every time. Even now, when I’ll say “ssssssssister” after you misspeak, you’ll respond with “ssssssssssssswister”. In your mind, /w/ is the replacement sound. It just is. It’s taking us a long time to break these ingrained habits. Just as in everything, you are going to do it your way first, even if it’s the wrong way.

You are still very stubborn. I’ve had to learn to be firm with you, and consistent. I try to be mostly impassive about it, explaining that consequences just are what they are. If you yell at me, there isn’t going to be any TV after dinner. And that’s that. I try and use natural consequences whenever possible as well. If you can’t pick up your toys when asked, then you must not want them! I actually haven’t thrown anything out, but have threatened it a few times. In actuality, you are pretty good about behaving, but you sure do holler and make your displeasure about doing so universally known (just ask our neighbors!).

I’ve been trying to pinpoint your favorite toys. When you do play, you enjoy your Thomas trains, PlayMobil people/animals, Legos/blocks, dolls and your stuffed bunny, Pillow. You love crafts of all kinds, and are quite proficient with a pen. But honestly, your favorite and most frequently played with toy is your imagination. All of your physical toys are just props for the scene. In your worlds, the tree boughs are your lair. A rolled up blanket is a train. A chair is a castle wall or a cage. A stick is a sword, a magic wand, a laser gun, a gate, a line in a letter, a conductor’s wand, a unicorn horn. You are a dinosaur, a princess, a mommy, a baby, a lion or its tamer. What a wonderful, exciting place to be, firmly grounded in the imaginary. I do miss it.

Frolicking Fairies

If you could, you would live outside. Or at least play outside the entire day. I am not exaggerating. Your teachers corroborate this fact as well. You are such an active girl. You run everywhere. You jump everywhere. You ride everywhere. Even after a morning of playing outside at school, you come home, eat lunch, and want to go outside again. We built a play structure last month and you couldn’t have been more excited.

Determined to succeed at the monkey bars on one of our many visits to Wildcat Park

Besides sliding, swinging, climbing, and spying for pirates atop your crow’s nest, you also like playing/attempting basketball, soccer, baseball, hopscotch, and jump rope. Your bicycle is by far your most treasured outside accessory. I sometimes wish we lived in a neighborhood with flat, paved streets, so you could ride safely right now. I’m sure we’ll let you free range later, but with a sloping gravel road, and busy thoroughfare at its end, we’ll keep you and your bicycle close for now. We take frequent trips to Bald Hill, and you ride very well with confidence. Maybe we’ll try and take off your training wheels this summer. You start Lil’ Kickers next week too, and swimming classes start at the end of the month. Looks like you’ll be going to the summer program at Montessori too. This summer is going to be busy!

We had your school conference a few weeks ago,  in which we learned your routines and activities at school that you enjoy. Your teacher said you were “socially focused” and I couldn’t agree more. You want to be with people. You want company. You have two best friends at school. Every day you wait to sit with one of them at the tables or beside them in circle and you really don’t want to sit with anyone else. Earlier in the year, when you’d come home from school upset for some reason, I’d find out it was because someone didn’t want to sit with you, or someone took your spot. You love your friends, and are very interested in their actions, dislikes, and likes.

You are an excellent helper, and are willing to try almost anything.

I am very proud of your writing capabilities. You can write nearly all the letters of the alphabet, upper and lower. Not in cursive, as Maria Montessori would have liked, but we’ll work on that. You can write your first and last names by heart, as well as Mommy, Daddy, Kaden, To, From and are well on your way to many others. You seem insatiable in terms of letters. You want to know how letters sound and also you want me to read everything to you. You are attempting to sound out words, but with limited success. I think it’s just great that you want to try. You are well on your way to learning to read. You'll sit through quite lengthy books too, very much enthralled with the story. You are also enjoying drawing, especially drawing people. Without my prompting, you draw very detailed faces and bodies with eyes, eyebrows, ears, cheeks, noses, mouths, hair, arms, legs, fingers, and clothes. You can also draw flowers with outlined petals and leaves, which you color in. Your teacher said this was advanced for your age.

According to your teachers, your other favorite activities at school are playing outside, painting, knot tying, sewing cards, eating snack, geometrical shapes, the brown stairs, pink tower, and the sandpaper letters. And playing outside. I am extremely happy with our decision to put you in a Montessori preschool. It is a great fit for you, my self-motivated, independent, and brave girl. I think about the first day you attended, and how they had prepared us for a few tears, told us to just drop you off and go because it would be an easier transition. That sure never happened with you. That first day, you didn't even say goodbye, nor turned around - just headed inside and got to work. We’ll be continuing for the fourth year, and maybe the fifth as well.

In terms of being a sister, you are supportive and tolerant (if begrugingly so) of Kaden, and have been a great mentor to him. It was one of our best decisions to have two children. Especially because you are so fond of the company of others. Kaden is a wonderful companion, and has helped teach you patience, cooperation, and empathy. I can't wait to see what's in store for you two.

Always willing to lend a helping hand

           

Things to work on:

Your competitive nature. You pitch historical fits when you don’t win. Everything is a race to you. Getting dressed, going down the stairs, eating breakfast, getting your shoes on, getting in the car… Being competitive is a healthy trait, but sportsmanship is just as important. And you also can't be the winner, if no one else is playing. We are trying to teach you that you cannot always win, you cannot always be first. You will lose. Sometimes, someone will get to the bottom of the stairs faster than you. Such is life.

Little blips you've said or done that I want to remember, sequentially from Years 3-4:

Ryan: “Whew! I’m pooped!”

Anika: “You pooped in your pants daddy? Oh dear….”

"Scuze me! I burped mommy. It came from my butt.”

"Sorry I can’t [....]! I busy right now!"

Something isn’t ever just special, it’s "Special Special"

Anika, outside playing Red Light/Green Light: "Red light!" (stops) "Green light!" (Runs fast) "Yellllllllllllloooooooooooow liiiiiiiiiiigggggght goooooooooooo sloooooooooowwwwwwwwwly..." as you walk in slow motion, and said this in a slow motion, low voice.

At the end of a long day: “I think my legs want to watch TV.”

Or one night, while sitting at the barstools, she puts her legs up on the other stool next to her. “My legs want to the lay down. They are really really tired.”

"It’s 30 o’clock!"

Calling a sleepover a nightover.

Calling Ritz crackers baby crackers

"Who" is "Whobody"

In response to many questions: “Um, no way!”

Calling a waterfall a water mountain.

“Mommy when somebody is doing something I don’t want to do I say 'not agaaaaaaain!'"

The names you make for your toys and things we see. (Your favorite bunny, Pillow, your pull-along puppy toy, Harlow, and the frog who lives near our front porch, Tickedy Tock...).

"That’s not Pah heh bull [possible]!"

"Uh oh, paghetti o!"

While bringing me a pan from your play kitchen: "Mommy I made you a Peter Pancake!"

"Howy mowy!"

"I have boobies now! I have milk in my tummy now so I can feed my baby!"

You constantly make up stories. All day long. And they typically begin with "When I was a baby, and...". Your life story is already quite exciting, if these stories are true.

You are always correcting me with reason.

Me: “Before we head to school, I’ve got to run to the bathroom.” [exits]

Anika, from the other room: “Mommy! That is NOT running! That is walking!”

And then you proceeds to explain to me the difference.

*********

Anika, you are growing up so fast. I used to be a fervent, desperate supporter of this. I would constantly think to myself "I can't wait until Anika ____ or Anika _____." And I do still look toward the future with some longing. But for every day I anxiously await, there is another for which I'm wistful. I do wish time would linger over you for a while longer now. You are so big, I can barely sit you comfortably on my lap when we read before bed. Your legs hang out from under the blanket, your hair is in my face, I can't see the book, and neither of us is truly comfortable... but we hang on to this small, but essential piece of our day's routine. The day I can't rock you my arms will be a sad one for me. I'll do it until you tell me not to. We might need to get a bigger chair.

Each day you catapult yourself into life, on instinct, until the moment you close your eyes and finally sleep at night. This, of course, is the great beauty of childhood.

I love you.

Let's Spring Break It Down

I'm going to just go out on a limb here, and say... spring break is for the birds.

Actually, it's for school staff and students to recuperate, regrouperate, resaturate and reconcile the fact that they have to come back and teach our kids again until June. And as someone who briefly forayed into teaching, I don't envy them and fully understand the necessity of the phenomenon that is Spring Break. But I'm just sayin', Spring Break is not for parents. Especially parents that live in a place where it's rainy in March. Here's where I wanted to be this Spring Break:

It's a hammock. Hanging from a palm tree. Dipping seductively close to a glorious expanse of aquamarine. With just enough room for me and my book. But alas...

Typically Spring Break is the harbinger of at least a little sunshine and warm enough weather to at least pretend it's warm enough weather. Not this time. Oh March, you fickle, fickle tease. If it weren't for my birthday, I'd loathe you. 

I'm not (I am) lamenting the fact that I had full responsibility again for my kids for two whole weeks, or three if your count the pre-break sick week. In truth, nothing reminds me more of how difficult a job teachers have then having to take care of my own kids. At least, taking care of them well. Healthy snacks,  time outside to move and shake their sillies out, meaningful activities. Lucky for me, Anika got her tonsils removed so I was exonerated from many of these parental duties. Admittedly, we watched a lot of TV this break. We ate a lot of ice cream. Our two weeks had the possibility of being a mellow, relaxing time of recovery and afternoon visits to The Bouncy House and indoor play park. But unfortunately it was peppered with one ER visit for a little dehydrated girl, ear infections, and vomit, among other superfluous bodily fluids...

This can't possibly be normal. I just refuse to accept it. Here's our list from the last three months:

nonstop colds and/or stomach flues
two bouts of pneumonia
three chest X-rays
three bouts of pinkeye
four sinus infections
five urgent care visits
three ER visits
five stitches
four ear infections - just Kaden :(
too many rounds of antibiotics and steroids than I care to think about...
and one surgery

Initially, I was excited about Spring Break, in the hopes it would kickstart our immune systems. Unluckily for us, Anika just happened to catch a stomach flu right after having tonsil surgery. And then Kaden got it a few days later, while still fighting the ever-lingering cold.

Essentially we have been house bound, a noose that got tighter as the month continued. I retreated into my shell these past few weeks, taking shelter, while my introvert stood guard. The weather was so awful, heavy with grey most days. I hate that feeling. Sinking, sinking, sinking... until it seems easier to keep digging, rather than drag myself out. Our routines didn't entirely collapse, but did lapse for sure. There were holes - as in the too-much-tv, cheese-pizza-for-dinner, little-outside-play kind of holes. Laundry piled up. Grocery store trips were postponed. Half-and-half may have been used to top off a cereal bowl. Extreme times called for extreme measures.

I'll admit, there is a little joy in taking care of my kids when they are ill. When Kaden cries "Mama! Mama!" in the middle of the night, and I can soothe him just by holding him in my arms, it's a good feeling. I like being a mama... when I'm not sick. Parents being sick is often times trivialized, but that's a load of crap. Being sick when your kids are sick sucks. No one brings you ginger ale and a popsicle in a bowl. No one tucks blankets around while you watch movies on the couch. In fact, your duties increase. It's extra hard to mother sick ones while you are sick yourself. Remember when you'd hold back your best friend's hair while she was throwing up after a night of drinking, even though you were a little hung over too? Remember how it was difficult to not vomit in empathy? No? Just me?

I realize this post is a big fat whine fest. True story. And now I can rip March out of my calendar, set it on fire, and dance on its ashes.

We are plodding forward and brightening our path is Anika's and my upcoming trip to New England. That's my sun right now. It will be Anika's first plane ride anywhere and I think she is ready. And more importantly, I am ready. I can't wait to take her and introduce her to friends who I miss so much, as well as to the act of traveling itself. She is an adventurer and loves new situations and new people. I hope she enjoys our trip as much as I think she will! I've begun to make lists, to plan, to brainstorm... Truly, I am SO excited!

That's all for now. I'm too tired (lazy) to throw up any photos today. I'll leave you with Kaden's new favorite song. Really, I think I've listened to (and sung) this song well over 50 times in the last two days. Kaden requests it in the morning, in the car, walking around running errands. He sings "doo du doo doo" along with the refrain. When he wants to hear it, he'll go the stereo and say "moooooooore raaaaain". In terms of the weather, I say no thanks. It terms of music, I'm more than happy to oblige.

"Singin' in the Rain" - Gene Kelly

Over The Weather

Over the weather. That's where I am this morning. Rainy, snowy, cloudy - it doesn't matter, because I'm over it. It's just one of those mornings. All life's bits and pieces have somehow landed softly back on planet earth. Hands were held, kumbaya was sung, order was restored.

Anika and I went to my Weight Watchers meeting last night. She was so excited to go. She kept announcing to anyone who would listen (typical audience Kaden and Grizly, our golden retriever) that she was officially going to a meeting. When I said it was time to go, she ran into the mudroom with a frantic gust, quickly put on her shoes and coat, and declared in loud huffs: "I must hurry! I can't be late to the meeting!" When we arrived, but before we went inside, I told her that she had to stay quiet, not run away, and that this was a special meeting just for "big girls" - and then had to chuckle, of course. And besides farting loudly twice at the meeting, she did a great job. As the kind woman two chairs down from us said: "It just happens."

When we arrived home, the night had fully blossomed and the stars and planets were blinking brightly against the black sky. Ryan took Anika outside, knelt down and pointed out the moon and the planets to Anika. I stood watching them, breathing in the cold air, following Anika's wide-eyed gaze. In the time of those few quiet breaths, under that infinite dark dome, I was briefly overwhelmed. Everything seemed so simple, basic, elementary...

... and then, just like that, it was over, as Anika decided yelling at the hills and running in the dark were much better options then silently standing in it. But still, I recognized my Kairos moment. I recognized it, and held it close.

***

We are all healthy, finally, after over two months of consistent undertheweatherness. It started right before Christmas, when the kids got pneumonia. And continued into January with a sniffle here, a sinus infection there. This is what sustained me:



It's Jess's Famous Ginger Tea! One taste and I was hooked. Chop up some ginger, skin and all and bring to a simmer. Mine went for 10 minutes or so. If you forget about it (as my Super Bowl Sunday batch was), it simmers into a deliciously condensed tincture. Actually, if I had simmered it even longer, I could have added some honey and had a strong yummy cough syrup...






Add a squeeze of lemon juice, some honey for your cough, and you are good to go. I tested out adding some green tea as well, but I like the original mix of ginger, lemon, and honey. Thank you Jess introducing me to this drink!

I'm fine with a runny nose. I'm fine with a sore throat, and a cough, and some body aches. But I am not okay with midnight trips to the ER with my baby boy. No parent wants to be the idiot that brings the child with a cold into the ER. But how else do you respond when your child is having a hard time breathing in the middle of the night? Um... you go the ER. Here's how it went: nebulizer, steroids, nebulizer, me refusing another chest X-ray, hospital admittance, oxygen level check every hour - all culminating in (obviously) a night of literally no sleep. Everyone at the hospital did a great job, but there was no avoiding it being the Worst. Night. Ever. And one week later, my poor little man was still having trouble breathing with an oxygen level of 96. Another round of steroids, another round of antibiotics, and finally finally he is better. Needless to say, I'm paranoid about him getting a cold. And will unabashedly avoid it.

Back to his happy self again

Here are some of the small moments that have fueled me lately:

Shadow hopscotch

Driveway tricycle rides

New wall art

Game Night!

This one's called Chicky Boom - Anika loves it!

Wine with friends (of the kismet, meant-to-be kind)

Rainy morning trips to the sheep barns

Lunch dates

Coffee

Banana bread with the crew

Getting our beef order - so excited!

New tricks

Mud puddles

The beauty within the storm

We've got a busy weekend ahead. Dinner parties, visiting friends, a birthday party, and a baby shower. WHEW! I can't wait. :)

*****

Bathtub View

Sanctuary. Surrender. Sanity.

I Ironed Outside Today

It's true. I ironed outside today. On the front porch. In the cold. As in 40 degrees cold. Okay, so it wasn't officially freezing. But cold enough that the kids and I needed heavy coats and hats and gloves. Only one of us actually kept all three of these on.

Today was cabin fever day. Sunday. The no school day, no Ryan day, just me and the Diabolical Duo day. Before the day even began, I knew we would need to get out of the house to keep the semblance of sanity I've glued back together since Ryan was on vacation this week. Unfortunately, the weather has been rotten. Fast forward to 10:30 am: the kids are screaming, I'm looking longingly at the Pinot Noir... yup, we must out.

First, let me tell you, I absolutely dread taking both the kids on errands. I always try and organize my errands between the hours of 9 am - 12 noon, Monday through Friday, when I only have one little guy to watch out for, rather than two. (This seems a great time to interject that I cannot fathom having more than two kids - cheers to those parents who are outnumbered. I'll pour some out for you all tonight... or this afternoon). But I'd rather be crazy and productive, than crazy and bored, so I piled everyone into the car, and off we went to the Fred. G. Meyer. The excursion went like this:

Kaden refused to sit anywhere in the car cart
Anika and Kaden ran across the store as I attempted to pick out a toilet bowl cleaner in 1.5 seconds
I ran after them with three options of toilet bowl cleaners in hand for later perusal
I lassoed Kaden, tucked him under my arm, and forced him against his will to sit in the cart, all while he screamed hell-fire through the whole store
I meagerly attempted to soothe him for show, avoided eye contact with other shoppers, mentally pared down my list to the bare minimum, hustled through the aisles, and ended up buying all three toilet bowl cleaners anyway.

The culprit...

Just another day at the office folks...

The afternoon was eventful. I unloaded the dishwasher, reloaded the dishwasher, made lunch, cleaned up lunch, started one load of laundry, wiped off the counters twice, relocated 53 toys, refereed 78 arguments over who had what toy first, yelled "Don't jump on the bed!" at least seven times, threatened to count to three 37 times, and actually counted to three once. Big day. Huge. My goal was to finish clipping and ironing the mountain of fabric my mom gave me this week. By 3:00 pm, I realized no one was going to just gift-wrap me my dream of ironing fabric. So, I layered up the littles, underarmed my ironing board and iron and threw open the door. The kids ran around, rode around, threw up their arms and screamed and did what little kids should do. I kept one eye on them, while my iron huffed huge clouds of steam into the cold.

And here's a hint to what my next post will complain about contain:

... in the meantime, I'll be holding on to my little wins.

The Cold vs. The Johanson Family, Round Eleventy Billion. Also, Five Songs I'm Loving

Excuse me while I whip this out... this post that is. Both my kids are napping soundly. At 10:30 in the morning. It's official - they're sick. AGAIN. But didn't Kaden just finish his ear infection antibiotics yesterday, you ask? Why yes, yes he did. Excellent punctuality, cold virus!

Anika woke up this morning and came into my room. When I asked her how she was feeling, she answered "just a little good," through wheezy breaths. I then silently shook my invisible fist at the heavens for a millisecond before welcoming her into bed to snuggle in my arms. Because I have asthma, I empathize in technicolor when I hear my kids wheezing. Consciously struggling to breathe, when it normally is so easy and involuntary... that has to be one of the worst feelings in the world. Imagine trying to make your heart beat?

This morning, during the two hours of awake time, we headed over to my sister's house to borrow her nebulizer and refilled Anika's steroid inhaler. I try to use it as little as possible, simply because I'm not a fan of steroids, or drugs in my children in general, even inhaled ones. That said, I'll do anything to keep my kids breathing, so Mr. Inhaled Corticosteroid is a welcome house guest - for now.

We are getting pretty used to this routine now, of angled crib mattresses, spoonfuls of honey, and sleepless, upright nights. Like anything contingent upon your expectations, once you accept it, it gets easier, right? That, or my tried and true problem-solver combination of a meditative 30 minutes run in the woods, followed by a green salad. Or at least, I'd imagine that would help. I imagine it, and then I have some chocolate and a second glass of wine...

Yesterday was a great day, the brief normal of the in between.

Anika is a great helper - she can wash, cut off the tops, and eat strawberries in a blink now!

And Kaden is learning so much so fast. Look at his innovative use of the Magna Doodle! A pull toy, and  a drawing board. Now, that's called multitasking!

***

I've been meaning on here to share some of the other music that I like. I know not everyone likes to listen to music while reading a blog, but I do try and playlist music that goes well with my post, and that is not too intrusive of the reading process. However, the songs I choose, although I do enjoy them, are not representative of all of the music I do like. As in, I don't think LMFAO is the appropriate soundtrack to a post about sick kids. With this in mind, I thought I'd share a few of the songs I am wiggle dancing to lately. Anyone who really knows me, knows my music tastes run the gamut, and the following is no exception. I've included the genres as per Wikipedia, and my own opinions, so you can skip or enjoy at your choosing.

1. Somebody That I Used To Know - Goyte featuring Kimbra (Indie Rock)

Mellow folkie pop with a Latin American tinge. He sounds so much like Sting. And it's so bare, who can't relate to this song, on some level? I love it.

2. Born to Die - Lana Del Rey (Indie Pop)

So brooding, risque, and little crazy. I really, really love the actual music part of this song, so the lyrics are bonus. Obviously its a dark song and she's singing about a place most people don't care to travel to, but I'll take it metaphorically rather than literally. I love this song nonetheless. Actually, allthemore.

3. Turn Me On - David Guetta, featuring Nick Minaj (Dance Pop)

My new workout song. It's awesome. When Ms. Minaj starts belting out "Make me come alive...", I just want to move. Seriously, I actually cranked the treadmill up to 6.0 yesterday, for 60 seconds. Yeah, it's that good.

4. Home - Dierks Bentley (Country)

Gamut. I told you. This is my husband's influence. I never never never liked country music before I married him. But I have a soft spot for Dierks... I can't help it.

5. I Follow Rivers - Lykke Li (Again, with the All Encompassing "Indie Pop" Category)

Ever since the free iTunes download of I'm Good, I'm Gone, I've been hooked. She's so genuinely into her craft. Plus this song has that Policy of Truth Depeche Mode instrument sound, which just boosts the awesome factor. The whole "Wounded Rhymes" album is a good listen.

So there you go. Anika just came downstairs, wheezing, with a request of "I fink I need a nebuhwizer (nebulizer)."

Here's to fast recoveries.

Another sunset photo. We just get too many beautiful ones not to share.